…and how you can make use of it
I found myself so many times trying to get to that space where there are no thoughts so that I can feel free, so that I can run and escape from my thinking, the thinking that intensified my fears, fed the anger, created catastrophic future scenarios and built walls between me and the others. I would have done anything to get there just and be able to see life as a blank page while going with the secret intention to get something out of it.
I thought I have to do something to get there and when I did, I didn’t like that either. Just being a blank page already sounded like a good idea. But… why is it not made of steel?
I mean it’s supposed to be tough because life is tough and I have serious things to deal with so I’d better do reprogram that mind and do fill it with positive thinking and false affirmations. And that doing worked perfectly… as long as I didn’t need it!
In between I got glimpses of being and not doing and I saw that the blank page is all there is, so fragile and unknown, easily carried away by the wind while being scratched by a pen attached to a hand that I didn’t know how to control. I often judged the hand for not drawing properly the things that I wanted to see. It should be a straight line, they said!
I lived with the belief that the hand is not me and everything and everyone around is to blame because I forgot…I forgot to be just a page and a hand, writing at the same time and, in my eagerness to control, I dared to try stopping the wind. I forgot that the wind takes me to places where I could have never imagined and it is the same wind that moves the still water, the same wind that helps the leaves fall or guides the birds in their dance, the same wind that moves the clouds, the same wind that rises the waves and tickles the sand.
Without the wind I couldn’t see the water sparkling, the leaves would not fall so there would be no space for the flowers to blossom, the clouds would not go away and I could not experience the warmth of the sun, the waves would not be aroused so how would I be able to surf them?
When I stopped fighting the wind and let the blank page fly, demonizing thoughts seemed less relevant. As I am resting in Presence, I allow room for fresh thought to come through as a conductor for creation. Positive thoughts are not better than negative thoughts even though I found them competing all the time. The alive one always wins! Because if it truly is alive, it comes clear and not spotted by the memory of a painful past nor by the imagination of a catastrophic future. It comes with a natural sense of love and acceptance, it comes with infinite opportunities and a feeling of deep knowing that it is true and it serves a bigger purpose.
For me the bigger purpose is to guide you, the one that needs it, in releasing the blank page while rewriting the story of your life, to rise above your emotions and your thoughts and use Thought to create what YOU, and nobody else, can create. Create before the Thought goes back to the Nothing it came from or it gets lost in your thinking!